a voice

do you hear the sound?
the call that resounds across the whole of humanity?
How will you dance?
the whole universe is dancing a great cosmic dance at alarming speeds and over unbelievable distances.
what, i wonder, does it look like from the outside?
imagine if you will a long exposure of a ferris wheel.
image then a long exposure from a ferris wheel of highway- in sped up time.
imagine the lights of the carnival the lights of the cars on the highway flashing past- dazzling with an astounding beauty-
now stop. realize that each of those lights comes from a distance absolutely unimaginable. that they pass at speeds terrifying.
who says the world we inhabit isn't mystical? what are you seeing?
how are you dancing?

hope

a man walks down a muddy path;
slipping and sliding he hopes to find
by fixing his eyes on earth's far end
he walks on water without falling down.

wandering pilgrim throws care to the wind
like a kite flying high, a song will raise;
Until victory comes. my end insured
by a policy like iron, deductible free.

One day i'll see, a mirrored sea.
for now i trudge, in muddy greens
slipping and sliding dying to gain
and awaken glimpses of eternity

i have died. i will live
in a heavenly home.
i falter. i fail
He is faithful.
He brings me here.

mountains and valleys

i haven't written in a few days because i haven't had anything to say.
i want for this post to have the grand sweeping feel of my life at this moment, but i know that i will fail to communicate with clarity to reality of my situation.
life is a pilgrimage. we are all on a journey. sometimes we walk alone. sometimes we are with others. sometimes we walk in the same direction. sometimes in different ones. day after day. moment after moment we walk through valleys and mountains- i love the mountains- i love being able to see where i'm going and where i've come from. i love the exhilaration of being alone and at the top of the world, but there is always a higher mountain. we can cross this globe over and over- we can climb and crawl and run, but where are we going? is there One mountain on which we can all sit and drink tea? Is there really an End? I pause to ponder- does being on top of the mountain matter except that you climb it? does enjoyment of the mountaintop come from walking through the valley to get there? a wise man once said that nothing grows on the mountaintop. perhaps i am chasing the wrong things. perhaps the chase is what matters. the search is what counts. the desires within my heart- they are wrong. what have i done? the desires in my heart reveal that there is nothing to satisfy them here on earth? does that mean i need to climb a higher mountain? to plunge into a deeper valley? a whispering voice echoes across mountain and valley. my soul is stirred. it is not for mountain or valley i long- it is for a person. who is this person? with whom i desire to drink tea?

new eyes

take a deep breath. for a split second- if you are able- look up from the screen on which you are reading these words. look at the world around you. the world will never be like that again. that is the only moment like that we are going to get.

close your eyes and open them again. imagine you've never seen this world before. imagine that you have never with your own eyes beheld anything. you have lived your entire life and never once seen the sun or a rainbow. maybe you've heard about them, but never once in your life have you been able to see them.

i was thinking today that we are bound. we have two options- do or not do. twitter or not twitter. we have been faced with choices- we cannot escape from that. i can either drink the chai sitting on my table now or not. how do i make this decision? how did i decide to make this decision? did i have a choice? even if i don't want to make a choice, i have made a choice.

there was a man who had great power. one of his friends became ill, so the man's sisters sent for the man of power. when he got the news that his friend was sick, he told those around him "his sickness does not lead to death."

after two days he started on the journey toward the sick man's home. he told them that the sick man was sleeping and he was going to wake him up. (of course he didn't mean sleeping, he was speaking euphemistically- he meant that he was dead) those with him were confused so he told them plainly that the man had died.

when he came to the tomb everyone was weeping without hope even though they said they believed the man with power could do anything. Seeing all their hopelessness, the man of great power wept.

he was moved deeply in his spirit and called for them to open the tomb (even though the man had been dead for 4 days!) and he called for the dead man to come out of the grave. the dead man walked. He came out of the grave.

The man was named Lazarus. He died. The man of power is named Jesus. He died, but the grave couldn't hold him down. You have a choice. Will you listen to Jesus' call to come out of the grave? Will you drink the chai or not?

calling

i have had several conversation with several friends about what it is that we are here to do.
a story...

a famous man from of old was out walking. he took a wrong turn and ended up in front of a fort. as he was considering different life questions a voice came out of the darkness
"WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

startled our friend replied "WHAT?"

"WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" the voice repeated.

"HOW MUCH DO YOU GET PAID?" our friend shouted back.

confused the man to whom the voice belonged replied- "one day's wages. why?"

"I'll give you double to stand outside my door and ask me those two questions any time i come into my home or leave it."

so as you are going about life- drinking chai or whichever beverage you prefer- be honest with yourself- as the questions "Who am I? What am I doing here?"

fears...

the last couple days i have been faced with fear. i have been reminded of long forgotten nightmares. dreams of being killed in a car wreck. wondering whether or not i am dreaming or awake (thank you inception.) that moment of deja vu when i can't figure out whether or not i have been in this situation before.

"how do i deal with fear? how ought i to deal with it?"

editorial sidenote: i'm still not sure about this whole blogging thing... suggestions welcome! it is my belief that communication is the goal of blogging- thus it is my desire to actually start conversations through the things i write about- so feel free to comment.

i hate answering questions. i am terrified that the one thing i actually come to want will be the one thing i cannot have. i am afraid of being alone. as i type these things a slight smile spreads across my face- by saying these things "in public" they have in some sense lost their power for this moment. i reach past my computer take a sip of my grande iced coffee i needed something a little stronger than chai today :)
do you want to be free?

reconciliation?

Ever thought your family is messed up? Ever wondered if there could ever possibly be healing from all the hurts? Ever believed it was possible at least in your head but not seen the follow through?
I was reading this morning in Genesis. And I came to the part where Jacob wrestles with God... kept going- he meets Esau. they embrace. they kiss. they weep. Wait what? Last time Esau was in the story he was going to kill jacob- and with pretty good reason too- Jacob had deceived and stolen and run away.
Reconciliation? For those two? They were fighting before they were even born!
Then I jump ahead and think of Jacob's messed up family. Selling a brother into slavery- deception- lies, adultery, sons being killed for disobedience and shame, but in Egypt there is reconciliation.
Fast forward again- another messed up family... some guy named Jesse and his sons- particularly one named David- yeah remember him- kills a guy to cover up his act of adultery- remember what his sons did? sleeping with sisters- killing brothers- rebelling...
Jump forward a good number of years to a "illegitimate" child born to a hastily married couple in a feed bin... yeah remember that story where jesus is teaching and his mother and brothers come because they're convinced he has a demon. oh yeah- some of those brothers ended up dying for the belief that their "crazy" brother was who he said he was- the Messiah. The one who was promised to the first messed up family... "the one who would crush the head of the serpent, but would have his heal bruised." He was the one who came to reconcile all things in Himself, by His death.
what does this have to do with chai? simple- give thanks the next time you sit down with someone you love and drink a cup of chai (or whatever hot beverage you prefer) and think about what it means to be reconciled- or even more- talk about it with the one you love.